my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
