After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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