i already hear my dad disowning me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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