My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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