My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
