If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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