Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
