I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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