you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
