It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
