I feel great
I just peed on a car
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
