Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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