Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
