if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The feeling are messing with the penis
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
