Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
