is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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