Screwed.edu
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
