do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
