I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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