Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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