The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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