Banned from zoo.
Again?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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