good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
