Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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