i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
