i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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