Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
