He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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