Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
