And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
