this just has baby written all over it
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
