just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
