Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
