I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
