Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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