she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
