you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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