so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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