And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
