the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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