Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
