She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there was a trapeze. enough said
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we're making bets on your personal life
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
