I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
