why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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