peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
