we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
