so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
