Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
