the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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