I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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