I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
