somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
