I wish i was in the wii world.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
