Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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