Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
